Let me start in a way that i hope you find controversial.
I am against gay marriage. The state should not recognise the marriages of gay couples.
But fear not, I’m a nice liberal Guardian-reading libdem-labour-green swing voter. I am not about to join the UKIP. To expand upon my position:
I am against marriage. The state should not recognise the marriages of couples.
Marriage is a contract between 2 people (and god, if you choose to believe). I don’t see why the state needs to get involved.
There are various rights and responsibilities that come with marriage, but in all cases i think it would be better if these were separated:
– married fathers have more rights (for example, direction of medical care) over their children than unmarried ones. That’s just silly.
– married couples have various tax advantages (rarely, disadvantages) depending of the whims of the current government. It really depends what the policy is here. Is it to encourage people to form lasting bonds, or is it to recognise that people who stay at home to manage a household deserve a tax break to recognise their economic contributions and compensate for their lack of earnings? Two sisters share a home where one has a full-time job and the other looks after the house and does a few hours teaching a week (maybe they co-parent a child). Should they not be able to pool their tax-free allowance? Peoples lives are entangled in all sorts of ways that the “married couple” paradigm does not recognise.
– married couples have access to the divorce courts. Unmarried couples would benefit from the guidance and impartiality of the divorce courts too. Separation is stressful, messy, confusing thing to go through, and of course the divorce court does not wave a magic wand and make it all unicorns and ponies, but i think it is helpful, and it would be helpful to all couples.
– the estate is presumed to pass to the surviving widow when one of a married couple dies.
It’s not that i don’t think the state should be doing these things, in most cases i think they should. It’s that i don’t think these things should be bundled up in Marriage. Sharing your tax-free allowance should be a matter of filing a form with the tax office. Letting your estate pass to another on your death should again, just be a matter of filing a form.
Asserting paternal rights over a child is a lot more messy. Should it matter if you’re not the genetic father of a child, if you’re the one providing the home and investing in the child’s development? Should the mother be allowed to prevent access to a supposed father? I have no idea, but whether a couple is married or not should not matter.
Public recognition. Of course people should be allowed to marry and be married. Public recognition is one of the most important aspects of marriage. But this recognition comes from your peers, not from the state. Couples have been getting married for thousands of years, long before governments came along to record the marriages.
Marriage as a union for life between a man and a woman is a christian thing. Marriage as actually practiced over the last 5000 years or so is much more diverse. We should embrace that diversity (once again). Capturing this in leglisation would be a complicated nightmare.
The simplest thing the state can do is not get involved.